I Opened My Eyes and Saw You

I have many titles/roles in my life:  wife, sister, daughter, friend, “boss,” employee, etc. etc.  One of the most rewarding roles and titles I have is that of simply “Mommy.”  There are so many things rolled into that.  You are parent, disciplinarian, confidant, friend, protector and so many more things to your children.  My role is particularly special, because I am really 2nd Mommy.  My girls I love as my own, though I did not birth them and do not see them every single day. But every summer, I get to spend extra time with them, and that is very special to me.

For the past two weeks, our youngest, Miss Lady, has been with us.  It’s been hectic:  balancing camp drop off and pick up schedules with work and after-work responsibilities; ensuring dinner was ready at a decent hour and creating some semblance of a schedule so things weren’t chaotic in the mornings.  Whew, I’m exhausted thinking about it.  Even so, this summer was probably one of my favorites with Miss Lady.

About a month or so ago, I started a new bedtime routine with Miss Lady.  I would say her prayers with her (well, listen while she said her prayers), tuck her in, and then she and I would just talk for about 10-15 minutes.  Nothing major, I always ask the same questions:  “What was your favorite part of today?  What was your least favorite part of the day? What are you looking forward to tomorrow?”  At first, she would answer the questions then I would kiss her goodnight and that would be that.  It was a nice way to wind down the day and she would go right off to sleep.  It set the stage for a restful night’s sleep.  Then, over the past two weeks, something cool happened.

Our bedtime routine evolved from being questions I asked to her asking me bunches of questions and just being a conversation between mother and daughter.  Miss Lady started asking about my day, and some of my life experiences.  And I began to see the world through her eyes.  She wonders what college will be like, and will she be ready for college.  She is curious what our house is like when she isn’t there, what kinds of things Daddy and I do when she isn’t there, and is it boring or fun?  She cares deeply about family, and whether people are happy or sad, tired or work too hard.  She reminds me of me, because when I am working late, she always says “Don’t work too hard, Mommy.”  Those are words I’ve spoken many times to both my mom and dad, and I know that they are genuine and heartfelt.

When it was time for Miss Lady to go back to her mom and stepdad, I was a little sad. And on Sunday, when I was leaving for church, I felt like something was missing.  I didn’t have to fight to wake her up and get her going, or make sure she’d put on lotion and lip gloss (she is a very girly little girl).  And while those things can be draining to any parent, I missed them.  I miss that little voice in the house, her huge smile and giant hugs; the joy and laughter that she brings into our home and family.

Parenting is both enjoyable and draining.  But there are few things more rewarding than being a parent.  I’m thankful for my girls, and for the opportunity to spend some time with my baby girl the past couple of weeks.  She turns 8 tomorrow, and it’s a little bittersweet.  No more car seat (under VA laws), which means she’s really a big girl now.  But she’ll always be my baby girl, and I’ll always be her Mommy.  And I am grateful for those special moments we share, when everything slows down, and it’s just the two of us, talking and learning.  It is in those moments that I see Miss Lady and the young lady she is growing into, and I am grateful and proud that God blessed me with the privilege of knowing and raising her.

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Letter to My Daughters

To my dearest girls,

I wanted to take some time to write you this letter.  It was 4 years ago this month that you came into my life.  You were only 2 and 9 at the time, and I didn’t realize that you would become a permanent part of my life just 15 months later.

I did not birth you.  You each have a mother who loves you dearly.  I did, however, choose you.  When Daddy asked me to marry him, I didn’t just say yes to him.  I said yes to both of you as well, to the opportunity to be a second mother to you, to love you and cherish you every day of my life.  I said yes to being there for the good times and the bad.  And I have never looked back.

I love you both so much.  You are my baby girls.  I look at you and see limitless possibilities for you.  You are amazing young girls, and will grow up to be amazing women.  There is so much greatness in you, I can’t even begin to accurately explain all that I see.  It is cliché, but your best and brightest days are truly ahead.

My pledge and commitment to you is to be the best parent I can be.  You are both truly blessed; you have a mom and dad that love you unconditionally and a stepmother and stepfather that love you unconditionally.  You have the benefit of having two sets of parents who love you, and I pray that you get to experience the benefit of that every day of your life.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, pray for you, miss you and continue to love you.  I often wonder how you’re doing when you’re not with us; if you’re having a good day or a bad day; if you’re happy or sad; and if you think of us the way we think of you.

I know sometimes I can be hard on you.  It is only to help you grow.  But I hope you also enjoy the many good days that we have.  The fun times, playing, dancing, or just talking.  There is nothing sweeter than to hear your voices in the house, even when you’re driving me up a wall fighting with each other :-).  I want to see you reach your full potential.  Daddy and I have already been successful in our lives, and continue to drive for greater success.  But even with all we do,  we want to see you reach those levels and higher.  We want to see you grow and develop into all that God has for you; and trust me when I tell you there is a lot He put in you from before you were even born.  It is our job, as your parents, to help guide you down the path to discover that purpose for yourself.

I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives.  Thank you for loving me unconditionally, for reminding me not to take myself too seriously, and for being the wonderful, amazing young girls that you are.  I look forward to every day with you, to watching you grow up and to being there every step of the way.

With all my love, today and always,

Mom/2nd Mommy/Rasheeda

Lessons from the Little One

When I married my husband, I inherited two beautiful daughters.  At the time, they were 3 and 10 years old, and are now 6 and 13.  I walked immediately into motherhood, and it wasn’t exactly easy.  Our oldest was the easier one for me.  She’s fairly laid back, and took to me pretty quickly.  The youngest, well, it isn’t that she didn’t take to me, but moreso that she is a complete Daddy’s Girl, and there was definitely some tension that would manifest that sometimes felt like there was a competition for Daddy’s affection, and I was losing.

My husband kept telling me not to force it, it would come with time.  And I tried to take on his laid back attitude.  But it wasn’t easy.  I’m very much a typical Type A personality:  I’m a planner, organizer and like to have an agenda, know what’s coming next and be in control.  I know, relax much?  LOL.

Well, Miss Lady and I have grown over the years, and, just last fall, she took to calling me Mommy.  It was her own thing, I’ve never asked either of the girls to call me anything specific, just not Ms. Rasheeda (I’m not their teacher).  She still calls me Rasheeda sometimes, but she also periodically will say Mommy, and, frankly, it warms my heart.  Now, I’m not here to replace her mother.  In fact, I’ve had conversations with her to help her understand she has a mommy and daddy that love her very very much, and she also has a step-mom and step-dad that love her very much.  Can you imagine how confusing that has to be for a child?  There will be a time, in the near future, that she won’t remember when she didn’t have me or her step-father in her life.  So to her, she’s got 2 moms and 2 dads, and that can definitely be confusing.

As much as she has grown to love me, I’ve grown to love Miss Lady like my own.  She teaches me so much, even in the moments where I’m wondering “what in the world were you thinking, little girl?”  She was with us this past weekend, and we had a conversation about prayer.  We’d sent her upstairs to go to bed, and let her watch a little tv just before.  She had specific instructions to say her prayers before she turned on the tv, and it seemed awfully fast to me that she’d done it.  So I went upstairs and asked her what she prayed about in her prayers.  She told me, and it was the same thing she prays every single night.  So I asked her if she knew what prayer was.  She said yes, but couldn’t really explain it, so I simply said, “Prayer is just talking to God.”  Her little eyes got big like she didn’t believe what I was saying.  I continued, “It’s just like when you talk to me or Daddy.”  We then talked about the importance of not always praying the same prayer.  But she’s 6, so I had to make it real to her.

“What if I came up to you and said, ‘Hi Miss Lady!  How are you? Did you have a good day?  Okay, bye!’ ‘Hi Miss Lady!  How are you? Did you have a good day?  Okay, bye!’?  Would you want to talk to me?”  She said, “Nooo, you just keep saying the same thing.”  “Well, that’s exactly how God feels when we pray the same thing every time.  He wants us to talk to Him.”  I could tell she got it, and she said her prayers again.  When she finished, she said she had a hard time knowing what to say, but I told her she did great (she is quite the little prayer warrior), and that it wasn’t about saying the right thing, it was about sharing what is on your heart with God.

As I kissed Miss Lady goodnight and walked out of her room, I thought about that conversation.  I pray every day before I leave the house for safety and protection.  It is often the same prayer.  How boring that must be for God!  How many other times do we say the same prayer, whether it be grace, or even your regular prayer and praise time?  Have we gotten into a routine or are we being sincere in what we do?

I’m often amazed at how teaching my own children also teaches me, or can be a reminder for me as well.  And I’m grateful for the lesson learned this week from Miss Lady.