Reflections of Another Year

November 21, 2011

10:15 pm

As I sit here, the last hours of my 33rd year on this Earth are winding down.  2 hours from now will mark the moment that my mother began going into labor with me, and 5 hours and 35 minutes from now will mark the exact time that I was born.  Yes, I know the time, and it will be the exact day, too, Tuesday, November 22, 1977 at 3:50 am, a star was born.  That’s what my birth announcement says, I didn’t make that up!  Alas, I digress.

When I turned 33, I had a moment; an epiphany, if you would.  I thought to myself, “When Jesus was 33, He had fulfilled His purpose on this Earth and was crucified on the cross for our sins.  What in the world am I doing with my life?”  It’s not that I felt I’d wasted 32 years of my life.  In fact, I feel like I am on a continual path to fully understand and discover my purpose.  As part of that journey, I’ve had some hiccups and some moments where I wavered, but I was never too far from the path that God ordained from before I was ever even born.  The thought, though, was more about pushing myself to the next level.  So, I embarked on that journey this year.

Welcome to my world of reflection.  Here’s what I am proud of from this past year:

  • Do What You Say You Will Do.  I started my husband’s annual 120 Day Challenge, and am well on my way to completing it; on time.  The 120 Day Challenge is reading the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, in 120 days.  I got behind several times, and am currently behind, but I have a plan to finish on time, and am actually ahead of that plan.  So on November 30th, I’ll be done.  At the beginning of the challenge, I purposed that I would finish on time, and I am doing just that.
  • Be Disciplined.  Okay, this hasn’t been my best year for discipline, but I’ve made my way down a path to doing so.  As you’ll recall from some previous posts, I had to let go of some activities in my life so I could take care of basics.  I had to shift my schedule around so I could work some things out.  And I’ve done that.  I have a regular workout routine (with makeup sessions when I need them), I have a schedule for cleaning the house that I generally stick to.  I feel like I’m finally getting into a groove, even if it did take most of the year to get there.
  • Give of Yourself.  I’m hard.  I’m hard on me, I’m hard on others.  I’m even hard on my kids.  But I am aware of it, so I work on it.  This year, I especially gave more to my youngest daughter, who I am the hardest on.  That has played out in our relationship.  Over the year, I’ve gone from being “Rasheeda” (the step-mommy) to “Momma” (because she’s determined she has two mommies, her mom whom she sees most days and who  loves her dearly, and her “other” mom who loves her dearly as well).  You have to understand that, as a step-parent, having one of your inherited children choose, on their own, to call you Mom or Momma is one of the most precious, giving and rewarding feelings you can ever have.  So, as I’ve given her more of me, just hanging out, having fun, learning about each other, I’ve gotten so much more, though I expected nothing.  And that has been worth it’s weight in gold.
  • Discover Yourself.  I’m always on a journey of self discovery.  This year has been no different.  I’ve had the privilege of participating in a coaching program that has allowed me to learn more about my work self and my personal self.  Through what I’ve learned in that program, I’ve defined more what my goals, plans, and steps to get there are.  It has made me more sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and I believe I am truly on the path God has set out for me.  I am walking this life out.
  • Enjoy the Moments.  I’m a planner by nature.  I plan the route I’m going to take when I take errands, working to maximize the number of right turns I make (YES, I do that).  My husband, by contrast, is a “go with the flow” type of guy.  He likes to take things as they happen, which often makes me batty.  But I’ve been learning to go with the flow.  Okay, let’s just chill.  Yes, it’s okay that we don’t have plans.  Let’s just enjoy the company of who’s around us or enjoy the peaceful solitude.  You don’t always have to be going somewhere or doing something.

Thirty-three has been good to me. I am excited about 34, and know it will be even better.  I’m not intimidated that I’m entering the mid-thirties.  After all, you’re only as old as you act and, well, in that case, I’m really 14.  So I thank God for this year, and I thank Him for every moment that I will get to live out my purpose on this earth.  I pray that I used every moment well and, where I missed it, let me not repeat the mistake twice.

Happy Birthday, Rasheeda Niambi!